Footsteps Through Memories
by gatehead81
Summary: S2, pre 'Eulogy'. Helen is still refusing to come to terms with Ashley's disappearance and has locked herself up in her room. Footsteps in the hall give her a moment of false hope and sparks of some unintended memories of time spent with her daughter. Angst/Family. Rated Kplus. Unedited one-shot. Helen M. Edited since earlier post.


**AN: Little angsty trip this time round. Again, new to Sanctuary writing so more just trying out ideas than anything else. Encouragement or criticism required... **

**Summary: S2, pre 'Eulogy'. Helen is still refusing to come to terms with Ashley's disappearance and has locked herself up in her room. Footsteps in the hall give her a moment of false hope and sparks of some unintended memories of time spent with her daughter. Angst/Family. Rated Kplus. Unedited one-shot. Helen M. Changes made from earlier post.**

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**FOOTSTEPS THROUGH MEMORIES**

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It was a sound that was all, not even a distinct one but it caused the same reaction and Helen could not stand the waiting a moment longer. It came again a footstep and her heart soared high for less than a fraction of a second. But then it crashed, tearing her into a thousand soul-shattered pieces. A second footfall confirmed what she already knew. It was only Will. She turned off her desk-lamp before he got to within sight of her not quite closed door. The last few times he had swung by to check on her that action had been enough to keep him from entering and encroaching on her personal space. She could not have that...not yet and he knew her well enough to respect the boundary she had put in place around herself.

The footsteps slowed and then stopped, his voice enquired after her. "Magnus?" But she did not answer him. "I don't know if you are sleeping or not but either way I won't disturb you...the Big Guy made you some soup." Into the silence he waited for another moment. "I'll just leave it here then." he said softly with just an air of disappointment and Helen heard the clinking of the tray being left on the table opposite her bedroom door.

She shut her eyes tight as the sound of his footsteps receded. She knew each and every one of her crew and indeed that of all her residents by the sound of their footsteps. She knew them on the carpets, on the tiles, on...on the parquet floor of the main... She could tell if they were excited, angry, upset or even hiding something by the way their feet connect with the ground and now there was one set of very distinctive sounds missing. There was a terrible silence that filled this noisy old house without Ashley's footsteps in it.

Helen could not stop the memory as it washed over her. She saw little tiny bare feet standing still in a pale pink dress. One placed itself in front of the other and a hand came free from the edge of the chaise lounge. Confident for her almost one tiny year of life Ashley Magnus took two steps forward and then wobbled her way into a third before Helen caught her in her arms and raised the child above her head full of praise and pride. There had been a non-stop barrage of footfalls after that all the way from that first tiny pitter-patter to the steel toe-capped clamour that preceded an argument about fifteen being too young to go abnormal hunting alone...or out with Silvio and his mates!

A full year of attempted sneaking followed that, even with Henry's help and using the farthest point of entry Helen knew of her daughter's supposedly undetected comings and goings. She remembered the night she had gone to her, intent on chastising her for her two am arrival home after an eleven pm curfew when she noticed that things had changed for her only child. Surprised, she leaned in the doorway and watched the girl who had very recently become a young woman throw off her jacket in an untidy heap. "So?" she had voiced softly, startling Ashley into dropping the hairbrush that she had just picked up. "Do I get a chance to meet him...this mystery beau of yours?" She did not move from the doorway as she watched her daughter panic. "This love of your life...because he's got to be that, right?"

Ashley, as soon as she realised that her mother was not angry with her and knew what she had been up to, flushed furiously. "I'm sixteen Mom...almost seventeen in fact."

"Well not really, five months is not nearly twelve but...I trust your judgement, Ashley." She so did not but she wanted to ensure that her daughter felt she could come to her when this all fell apart as it invariably would. "So are you bringing him home?" she insisted, deliberately sounding as motherly as she could.

"What for dinner? Mom, no-one has done that in like almost a century!" She had her back turned as she spoke. "But...if you really want to meet him...okay...but not yet, you and this place would just scare the be'jesus out of him and I really don't want that, he's a nice guy." and she smiled shyly at her mother. "I think I really like him."

Helen never did get to meet Ashley's 'nice guy', turns out he was not so nice and Ashley used that patented Magnus charm to ensure that he would never ever bother her again...and probably no-one else for a good while either if Ashley had even a fraction of her own spirit residing in her.

She never did get to meet any of Ashley's suitors she realised and now she never would. The unexpected though hit her hard, forcing the air out of her lung in a painful rush and brought her back into the completely darkened room. She had no idea how long she had sat like that but the evening light that had surrounded her was completely gone now and no doubt the soup in the hall was cold. It did not matter, she was not going to eat it anyhow and nor was she going to insult her friends by pretending she had done. No the soup could stay out there. They all could stay out there, she was not ready yet. She would be ready only when every single footstep in this place stopped sounding just like Ashley's and every breath she took did not remind her of the sound of her daughter's laughter, her anger, her tears and her bravery. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, not wanting to think about that day and how Ashley had been so very brave in the end. Helen took little comfort from her daughter's heroics. She herself had taught her the skills and the strength that had ultimately taken her away and because of that Helen had never felt so utterly, utterly alone. "Ashley." she whispered. "Come home to me Sweetheart. I can't do this without you."

Helen Magnus had never been one to live in denial but she just could not accept that her daughter was gone. There had been a spike in the EM field and that had to mean something, she booted up her laptop. This was just like the time Ashley went away for a few months. The house had sounded so quiet then too but as soon as her confident twenty year old returned from god knows where without even so much as a postcard, the house was once again alive with the sounds of youthful exuberance. No-one walked on eggshells or carried themselves apologetically even though they had done nothing wrong. Henry's footsteps were not so hesitant as he tried to slip past, going to his own room, so as not to disturb her. No-one whispered or shuffled their feet, not knowing what to say or what to do. Their uncertainty was unbearable. That was why she would find her daughter and she would bring her home. Either that or Ashley would suddenly reappear, with her bright smile as if nothing had ever happened proclaiming "Mom, I'm home!" and they would hug and cry and this whole nightmare would be over.

Footsteps sounded in the hallway and Helen's heart soared...for just a fraction of a second...

END

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**AN: Angsty stuff. Please let me know what you think...**


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